LEAVE IT TO HIM....

Its been a few days since i wrote on my blog, first much wasn't going on and lately i've been feeling a little more tired then usual besides that everything has been good Hannah is still active i have a doctors appointment tomorrow so hopefully i can get some more information or answers i would like answers on scheduling my c-section.  Thursday made 34 weeks 6 more weeks to go.  These past few weeks something has been heavy on my heart i didn't really talk about it because  i knew much change wasn't gonna come from it but when you give god your problems he always fixes it. About two weeks ago i told kairi's dad that i wanted her to be present with the rest of family once the baby was born he felt it wasn't a good idea to expose her to something this traumatic since to him anyway she's been through so much  he wanted me to wait until i knew the status of the baby give it a few weeks then let her see her sister against what i really felt i agreed but it was really bothering me my kids are my proof that i can overcome anything especially with  kairi she's my first that girl was with me when i had no idea what i was doing as a parent she went through so much with me, now leah's is here thats my love child both of them together makes me such a stronger person and to look around and see kevin's and my family there but no kairi would've eaten me up i spoke to her dad again on friday and told him how i really felt we went back or forth on wether it was a good idea or not he felt her getting attached to the baby and then the baby dying would be hard on her but i feel its her sister and she has a right to be around her as long as she can, yes its gonna be hard on her its gonna be hard on everyone and with the right help kairi would be fine i rather her see her sister alive then to be mad at me that i didn't let her be apart of getting to know her sister we decided we would see what happens as time got closer.  Yesterday i went to church and for the first time he didn't have a message prepared he said he was doing something different that sunday he said god told him to tell his people to bring our problem to him, things that are heavy on our hearts, things been bothering us, he opened the alter and those who wanted went up and prayed and the rest could stay at there seat and pray i stayed at my seat and prayed i really prayed and told god exactly how i was feeling and what i wanted from the whole service was spent praying to god it felt really peaceful service was over.

Monday morning (today) i woke up did my morning prayer as usual went into the living room kevin said Abdul called and he said he will bring kairi to the hospital the day of the delivery i was happy to hear that and thankful to god of course that he agreed to bring her but of course he had to add his own demands that she could only stay for a few hours because he doesn't want her to spent the day grieving but little does he know there will be no grieving because i have faith hannah will be here for a little while i will take whatever god gives us, already i feel god is going to do some amazing things with hannah in our life's, that doesn't necessarily mean she's going to live (god knows i would love for my baby to live) but what i do know is hannah will impact lives she's already done so in my life i never knew i could ever be this strong and i know there will be more lessons from hannah in my life, her dads life, Kairi's life and those few who will be in hannah's life........