No worries

When I was pregnant I use to look at the calendar and wonder how my life would be in may would I be holding my baby or would I be grieving the lost of a child, Today is may 29th and im so happy to say my lil Hannah is hanging in there everyday with her is a blessing shes teaching me so much the two important things im being taught patience and understand, Hannah fusses and sometimes cry a lot so I have to be patient and understand its not her fault her brain signals are crossed and shes uncomfortable also crying isnt good for her right now we try not to make her over work her heart the qore she works her heart the more blood pumps into the hole the more fluid build up she would have which could eventually cause heart failure its not always easy plus, who really likes a crying baby? I continue to make sure shes comfortable and her pamper is always clean she hates wet and poppy pampers and she loves human touch, to be held and snuggled.

The nurses at Hackensack are amazing they are so wonderful with Hannah I dont ever feel like I have to worry about her they take very good care of her, her night nurse bought her a musical mobil to help with soothing and keeping her calm that was so nice of her to do that. The staff that has come into our lifes for hannah have been a blessing and im so grateful for so many of them. Were still waiting for a date for surgery until then daddt and mommy are enjoying our peace and quiet time with Hannah. Matthew 6:26-34 Look at the birds of the birds of the air,for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns;yet your heavenly father feeds them. 27Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his structure? 28 So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field,how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; 29 and yet I say to you that even solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thdown into the oven, will he not much more clothe, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not worry, saying, What shall we eat? or What shall we drink? or what shall we wear? 32 For after all these things the gentiles seek. For your heavenly father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first the kingdom of god and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

9 day old.pics

Pics of my Hannah banna, taken today 9 days old

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Day 6-9

I am so behind with my updates, its been a tiring  but a blessed 9 days hannah is doing good, we were told she has a absent corpus collosum which is a part of the brain used to sent and recieve signals from one side of the brain to the other because of that she is at higher risk for seizures, about two nights ago the nurses said she had two seizure like symptoms but nothing came up about it. The cardiologist found a surgeon willing to fix the hole in the Ventricle of her heart we are just waiting to know when, the procedure will be done at NY columbia presbyterian hospital. I pray this helps her in the long run.These past 9 days have been so precious her sweet little face so soft im so blessed to have this time with her even though it could be cut short at anytime but im not worried she has beaten so many odds I know it doesnt stop here, I want hannah to be a example of what god can do in peoples life not only in this situation but in everything in our lifes. Hannah has changed my life for a better me im so thankful and happy to be her mommy. I love my lil hannah banana.

Day 5

The past 4 days have been exciting and tiring so today i decided to stay in late and spend some time with leah which she slept most of it but it was ok, around 5pm i came to the hospital they moved Hannah to another unit where cribs are allowed its a upgrade!!!! yay!!!! I only like it better because its a upgrade for hannah but i liked the people on the other side better lol. Today wasn't the best day for me,Hannahs alarms kept going off making me panic shes fussing and crying omg!! i was ready to start crying, im so thankful kevin was there he was able to calm me down and make me realize that Hannah was fine, the machine kept beeping because the sensors were coming off or when she moves it misread. Princess Hannah was fussing because she wanted to lay on her side instead of on her back as soon as i put her on her side she passed out and her vitals were back to normal lol my nerves were shot but my hannah banna was comfortable and stable *sigh*

After all that im sitting here looking at my angel she is oh so worth it. Thank you jesus for my princess....

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Day 4

A lot has happen in four days, Hannah is doing great it's like everyday she concurs something different she went from a vent, to a cpap, to now breathing on her own with minimal help from a nasal cannula that was day 1 and day 2. Day 3 she was officially off fluid ivs and only taking my breast milk every 3 hours, she also took one feeding from a bottle now today day 4 my baby girl is out the incubator and in her big girl crip i was too happy when I walked in and saw her laying there peacefully sleeping *tear* these past few days has been magical no one can tell me god isn't real or god can't answer prayers he has answered my prayers in every way even when I didn't believe it was possible, Hannah is living proof god is able to do exactly what he said he will do only if we would let him be GOD.

She's here!!!

Hannah Gabrielle Joseph was born May 16th, @ 11:33am weighing 6lbs 4ozs 17 1/2inches. She was intubated right away I was able to hold her for a brief moment before they took her off to the nicu. I've never been so vulnerable in my life I couldn't control my tears they just kept coming I cried of fear, for my Hannah not knowing what was next, about a hour or so later i was done being assessed and in recovery I was able to go up and see Hannah she was so beautiful I still can't say who she looks like but she was just breathe taking (probably gets that from me ;-)) I stayed with her, touched her, spoke to her letting her know mommy was with her it was ok. A photographer from "As you lay me down to sleep" Andrea she was amazing she caught all our moments with Hannah after awhile I went to rest and let Hannah rest. We went back around 4pm and to our surprise Hannah wasn't intubated anymore they put her on a cpap (a cpap is a breathing device lower then a vent but higher then a non rebreather or nasal cannula) I was so happy in a few hours my baby was Doing her thing I was able to hold her again i didnt want to let her go shes so adorable. Kevin held her she's always so quiet and comfortable in daddy's hands I loved seeing them two together in my hands she squirming and fussing lol.

Today Hannah is 1 day old glory be to my god my baby girl has made it to a day old we went to see her today she was so peacefully sleeping I held her kissed her up told her I loved her, then the doctor came and told us they were taking the cpap off she didn't need it now she's on a nasal cannula breathing on her own just talking about it makes me want to bust out in a holy ghost dance H.C.C style in 1 day she has accomplished so much, I know there's more hurdles But we got this with god by our side everything is possible. It went from us not knowing how Long we would have with her to getting a whole day with her she is a miracle I know she's here for a reason she's teaching me so much about my faith, relationships with friends,family, strangers just so much I can't give the lord enough praises for bringing my baby into my life I am so blessed to be her mother so blessed to be able to take part in this amazing experience. Here are some pictures of our little Hannah

INDUCE DAY IS HERE

after being almost 2 weeks past my due date we are finally here, i was scheduled to be induced tomorrow but thankfully one of the head doctors had sympathy and told me to come today to be induced thanks to a wonderful ultrasound technician i spoke too.  Its so crazy i didnt think i would still be pregnant i figured time like now i would be either spending time with Hannah or greiving over Hannah im thankful that i can still smile and my babygirl is hanging in there. Im so anxious i cant wait to meet her and hold her,kevin is really anxious he just wants to see and hold his new princess too.

The induction process is long alil after 1am they should be coming in to check to see if the first set of medication worked so we can continue this process im hoping Hannah will be here sometime tomorrow im not as scared as i thought i would be, god is giving me such peace with this a peace that i know only god can give i feel his hands all over this situation i know great things is gonna come from hannah and her life i will keep you guys posted as much as possible thank you all for prayers keep the prayers coming everyone.

Psalms 23

1 The lord is my shepard; I shall not want.

2 He makes me to lay down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. 3 He stores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness for his names sake. 4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For you are with me; Your rod and your staff,they comfort me. 5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; 6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; And I wil dwell in the house of the lord forever.

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Hannah Gabrielle Joseph

Hannahs 3D picture shes already perfect in my eyes...

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Due Date???.....What due date????

hey my people, yesterday was my due date it came and passed like a exam little hannah is very comfortable in there i was sure between may 1st, 2nd, 3rd, hannah would be here. It was so much pressure on me i had a 2 moms come down from maryland to be here for the delivery for support but had to leave friday, then my mom took days off and was worried the baby wouldnt come in time. Im feeling pressured because some were pushing for me to be induced but deep down i didnt want that especially when i heard it could be risky if nothing is wrong with the baby, i started feeling cramping and discomfort, both my previous pregnancies my water broke so i dont know nothing about this whole contractions thing but i felt something kev and i timed them the best we could anyway the pain was coming pretty frequent we decided to wait til my actual due date which was the next day, we went in the doctors saw no contraction nothing at all.... hannah heart beat was great and she she was active i was sent home . Today was my gyn appointment I hate going to that place they are beyond slow and they never know what's going I always have to update them, we sat there for hours finally got called in they put me on the monitor and again no contractions they kept me on there to see if they would get stronger the contractions picked up a little bit so the doctors sent me over to L&D for further evaluation I was ready like yes let's do this, they hooked me back up on the monitor 45 minutes I was discharged *head down* I'm done I'm not going back to the hospital unless my water breaks I'm tired of them playing with my emotions....no more. I'm just happy Hannah is doing good she stable active nothing more I can ask her...well besides the obvious. Hopefully the next time I write on here I will be admitted in the hospital preparing to deliver my little Hannah. Talk to you guys later. Thank you for your praying for my family your prayers are working and we greatly appreciate it. Goodnight.