Wednesday, April 25, 2012


Hi everyone, these past few days have been so crazy and busy we had to move over the weekend even though i didnt do anything it was still tiring im so thankful for kevin he really stepped in and did his thing as he always does, we found a really nice place im excitied about moving in we officially move in tomorrow but i will officially go there friday im happy we found a place before my due date i was worried about that but relieved we did with gods help of course.  Thursday i will be 39 weeks its coming so quickly reality is starting to set in.  2 moms from different parts of the world gave birth to babies with trisomy 18 this week... one lived and one passed away at birth, i've given my situation to god and asked him to do what he sees fit but that doesnt mean my fears go away it doesnt mean i know im going to get what i want...when i start thinking or feeling like this i know its my flesh the human way of thinking. I told someone  how i was feeling  they told me "they were worried about my faith in this situation" I was speechless, in the beginning of this i had some faith not that strong  but through out this i've been walking on nothing but faith, my faith through out this has grown so much what i realized at that moment is no matter how much people are in my corner supporting me in my decision im still alone unless you have gone through this you dont and wouldnt know what it feels like that is why i am so thankful for the moms i do have to speak to on a regular basis that have been through this they give me so much strength to know regardless what happens i will be ok, i will be strong, i will live for me and my family.

I've been feeling a lot of pressure and she's dropped so i know its gonna happen soon i want her to wait til at least may 1st Hannah could come anyday after that not too far after that she has until may 3rd then we starting the eviction process lol a part of me wishes i could keep her in there forever where i know she's safe but the other part is like this baby has got to get out now!!!. I am so excited to meet Hannah my first time meeting an angel she's changed my life so much for the good and i will always love her for that, deep down i have a feeling i haven't seen anything yet she's going to do so much more in mine and other peoples life.  All the parents who have gone through this tell me the samething be selfish with her enjoy every minute i have with her and kevin of course and thats exactly what i plan on doing being selfish and enjoying my angel until god calls her home weither thats minutes,hours,days,months or years im going to enjoy my daughter and let her know she is loved by so many people. 

Psalms 139 verse 13-14
13 For you formed my inward parts; you
covered me in my mothers womb. 14 I will
praise you,for i am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are your works, And that my soul knows
very well.

Friday, April 13, 2012


Finally home *sigh* these past few days long but o be honest i got a lot of rest i needed but now i'm home back at it.  I have so much prescriptions its crazy i look like those old women with a bag full medication when they call for 911 and you ask for the medication there taking they come come with a big white plastic bag full of medication well for the next week or so THATS ME!!!!! its ok its only temporarily i hope this isn't my future i rebuke it in the name of jesus. Im happy i'm out the hospital and hannah is still inside me getting stronger 2 or 3 weeks and i'm back at Hackensack University Hospital to deliver my miracle baby. Im all showered belly fed now its to jump in my bed thank you for those who took the time to out see how we were doing and again thank you to those who have been with us from the beginning of this and who be there in the end well thats it goodnight i will keep you guys updated if things change....xoxoxo

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Day 3 in the hospital

Glory be to god i'm getting better talking a lot better and getting stronger unfortunately there still not telling me when i will be released because without oxygen my o2 saturation( oxygen intake) is low but everyday is another day of improvement.  Hannah is doing great she's comfortable vitals are stabile and no talk of having to induce labor or anything like that thank god, i was suppose to post something on my blog but i was too tired i haven't slept in two not being able to breathe so now i'm breathing better i used yesterday to catch up on my sleep but here i am today on the day the lord has made for me and you.  I miss my girls so much Kairi is on her spring break in maryland with her grandma she doesn't know i' m in the hospital don't want to ruin her trip but i've  talked to her everyday via phone or texting its so funny texting a 8 year old when i was her age i was just hype to talk on a house phone now these kids are texting and oovoo-ing thats leah thing my 14 month old she oovoo's with her grandma lol too funny.

My mom has been so much help to me and kevin these past few days i'm so happy to see my mom step up and help us not to say she wouldn't but its just different this time, it made me realize you have to let people do at there own time its so much better that way instead of forcing or making people feel guilty for what there use too, something has to click in the persons head for them to get it and i think it clicked in my moms head, too be honest she's all i ever had with little issues and money problem she was always there but this is the best and leah loves and adore her grandmother (probably because leah runs the house) but they have a relationship and i love that since my mom has leah kevin can focus on me i can focus on getting better not worrying about leah it helps a lot.  I love my mom and thankful for her and all those who have been here with me since day one.

Its thursday people y'all should know what that means if not well i will tell you today i am 37 weeks im considered full term  this makes me want to get out my hospital bed and bust a holy spirit dance god is scratch that chicken is good god is magnificent, amazing, worthy all those uplifting words im praying i go all the way to may 1st or 2nd i want a may baby even though my mom wants a april baby cause she's the only april person in the family but for some reason i think may suits hannah i still have so much to do pack my bags hannah's bag PLUS we are in the process of looking for another place because where we are staying isn't suitable for the winter i'm not waiting for next winter the house is too old and he cant fix that problem were  trying to move before i have the baby so we will see what happens with that keep us in your prayers so much so little time but i know i can handle it and all will fall into place.

Some good news there thinking about letting me go tomorrow yay!!!! WOOO HOOO hopefully
that does happen and there not playing with my emotions i got to see my little mama today it was so good to see her i feel like she got so big in that one day i didn't see her.  My mom's job was able to give her another night off so that was great so kevin could stay and keep me company and hopefully im out of here tomorrow to come back in about 2 to 3 weeks lol well that is it for tonight thank you for the feedback from the readers it motivates me to keep writing and hopefully one day i can help another going through something like this. stay blessed

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

In the Hospital....

Well hello everyone things were so quiet nothing to really blog about that is until yesterday when i had the worst asthma attack ever OMG i'm still in the hospital because of it they admitted me and everything because my breathing refuses to get better these doctors have tried everything steroids magnesiums treatments out the waazoo nothing worked so today they called in the big boys first they were talking about talking me to ICU but before they do that they called in the pulmonary doctor and she's gonna try and work her magic so far i am getting relief as long as i stay still but once i move to go to the bathroom or stretch my legs the shortness of breathe comes right back with the tightness and wheezing thankful she knows what she's doing she's been pumping me all the different bronchi-dilators the only sucky part i have to wear this oxygen mask all the time after a while i start feeling claustrophobic but its working tonight i feel a lot better getting rid of a lot of back-up mucus which helps me inhale better so i can take my treatments better, i just thank god i'm starting to feel better i was scared for me and Hannah i didn't want to get intubated or sent up to ICU glory be to god Hannah is stable and im getting better slowly but surely.

Now because of this bad asthma attack one of the OB/GYN high risk doctors that i see came in to speak to me today he feels it isn't safe for me to have a cesarean because of how bad my asthma is he's concerned that if i have to sedated things could go downhill for me and he doesn't feel its worth it because of our baby prognosis that i should just go for a vaginal delivery don't monitor hannah just let whatever happens happens i personally didn't like when he said that because wether she's incompatible with life or a normal full term baby she will always be worth it to me in our eyes she is perfect putting those mommy feelings aside i understand what he was trying to say because of all the steroids they are giving me my incision would take longer to heal, other complications could happen that i didn't consider, ok, so  i told the doctor i had  to speak to my fiancee first and we would get back to him i spoke to kevin and he agreed with the doctor he felt if i could possible be at risk going into the operating room it wasn't worth it i came first and its his job to protect me first, me as a mother i'm thinking well i would do whatever i had to do to get Hannah here alive until god calls her home but as i kept thinking about it i remembered i really didn't want to have a c-section and the only reason i was doing it was because the other OB/GYN kept putting in my head that trisomy 18 babies don't do good with vaginal delivery which i knew different cause most parents with trisomy 18 babies were born vaginally anyway kevin and i decided to go back to our original plan and have a vaginal delivery so no scheduled c-section now we wait on Ms. Hannah to make her surprise appearance....well until tomorrow talk to you all then..