I woke up today not feeling the best i feel like everyday i start feeling the reality i cried four times today the last one was totally unexpected, we were in Walgreens putting together Hannah's collage for her funeral and i seen a picture of Hannah and her dad i love that picture i said "awwww look at you too" then it hit me Hannah is gone and the tears started kevin held me and patiently waited for me to let it all out after my cry i continued with what we were doing. Right now its a lot of phone calls trying to plan this funeral we can only do this right one time for Hannah and she deserves the best, unfortunately we didn't think Hannah would have passed away so suddenly or so soon so we didn't get to put away money or plan a funeral so now we have to plan one in a weekend *sigh* no time to grieve right now gotta get clothes for the girls,kevin and myself, luckily during my pregnancy a organization called Isaiah's promise had sent us some beautiful dresses for Hannah so she's all set i don't think i could've handled having to buy her a burial dress.... planning this is hard enough. I know my baby girl is at peace and that makes me happy but i miss her so much i keep touching a picture of her face wishing it was her face. Like my older sister Onica said remember all the good times, all the things that made me smile about Hannah some times that helps and other times it makes me miss her more. Im just trying to take it a hour at a time anything else is too fast for me right now.
Kevin is being the amazing man he always is, when it gets too much for me he takes over. He tries his hardest to make me happy right now, like this morning OMG he had to take the picture of Hannah's footprint that was made for us at the hospital the day she was passing they put it in a frame that said "Mom" he accidentally dropped the frame and it broke into pieces i just hurt the break i looked around and it was in pieces it was like Hannah passing away all over again my heart broke with the frame i was so hurt and furious asking why would he put the frame there? and i knew it was going to happen? i wasn't nice. He came back from the funeral home but they called and wanted us to come back together so i went out with him i sat in the passenger seat and felt i was sitting on something when i pulled it out it was a new frame i looked at it and put it down i wasn't happy i put down on his sit he got in and said "here" i said "i don't want a new one u bought i want the one that was given to me" he said "it is" apparently he felt so bad for breaking the frame he called susan the women who made it for me told her what happened he stopped by the hospital and she made me a new one *tear* i felt so stupid and mean i apologized gave him a kiss and thanked him so much i felt a breath of fresh air the fact he went his way out to do that just made me fall in love with him all over again, i whispered to myself and said Hannah you have the best dad in the whole wide world. After that happening I was glad the first two days were me and kev consoling people, if it was a day like today i don't think i would of been able to console anyone my emotions are all over the place. Its hard to talk about her or see her picture i know these are all natural feelings i just have to get use to them and let the process take its course one hour at a time.
I read this scripture on my churches F.B page Hope touch NYC and it touched my heart
Jeremiah 31:13- I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and
joy instead of sorrow. I hold god to his word....
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