Thursday, July 26, 2012

An Angel in the sky....

Yesterday was another routined day we had a noon meeting with the doctors,nursing staff and palliative care to discuss what our next plan was for Hannah.  kevin and i woke up did our in the bed morning talk woke the kids up took our showers ate breakfast and we were off to see Hannah.  As we walked in the ward he heard alarms going off as we walked closer to Hannah's room the blinds were pulled i walked in first to see the nurses putting in a new IV on Hannah, apparently she went on a rampage and pulled out her IV and her feeding tube pulling out her feeding tube caused her to aspirate .  The nurse told me Hannah had a rough night she was very inconsolable they gave morphine it worked for a brief moment  they also had to give her Ativan to calm down.  At noon as we prepared for our meeting Hannah de-sated and everyone rushed to her bedside as i looked on the monitor at her was 9 my heart dropped the started calling for help they gave her extra oxygen through the by-pap i stared at the monitored begging for her numbers to come up, slowly but surely her numbers came but it was still low in the 70's sometimes hitting 80's, the doctors started her on morphine to relax her so she wouldn't  struggle to breathe.

Dr.Beversdorf came in and said "i think Hannah is trying to tell us something" i walked over to Hannah and instantly I started crying because i knew what was next.  The doctors told us to start calling our Pastor and family and get them here as soon as possible in the meantime they upped her oxygen 100% and rate to 30, kevin and i cried, we prayed and we cried some more after we got our cry out alone together we started making plans we asked for our pastor Pastor Tyrone Stevenson to be called to get her blessed,both moms were called,sisters,brother,god parents Shenna and Junior all those who played a important part in Hannah's life.  Since everyone lived in NYC and we live in NJ it took time to get everyone there not everyone drives as (honestly i didn't mind they could've taken there sweet time i wasn't ready to face what was about to happen).  My pastor saw that and decided we should make a time to get this started tell the family that and leave it at that after.  Kevin and i looked at the time it was 3:35pm i couldn't think to make decisions so kevin was the one calling our shot and i agreed with it, we set the time at 5pm, about 10mins later Dr.Beversdorf came in and said we shouldn't prolong this too long it isn't fair for Hannah 4:45pm was the new time. I was thinking to myself "why are we pushing up the time what is 15mins give my baby her 15 mins" but i knew it wasn't fair to Hannah and time did matter.  Before we knew it is 4:45pm they came in with a morphine drip to give continuous. At 5:15pm they started turning down the amount of oxygen is she was getting, all monitors were turned off so we could focus our attention on Hannah, our family started arriving just in time as kevin held her close and through our tears we closely watched.

At 5:35pm Kevin broke down crying.. i knew she was gone. Dr.Beversdorf walked over to kevin she listened with her stethoscope and confirmed she had passed away.  I could not believe it happened so quick i didn't expect for it to be over so soon, i knew in my heart she was gonna keep holding on that she would have surprised as with a miracle and hold her own.....that didn't happen my beloved angel went on to a better place she went on to be with her Heavenly Father in Heaven no tubes, no machines, no IV's no more blood draws she is free from all her pain MY GOD this bring so much joy to my heart, yes i will miss her truly without a doubt but her spirit lives with me for the rest of my life, her memories, her sweet smell will always be with me.  She was and now is truly an angel.

I am so thankful for the staff at Hackensack University Hospital the nurse Danielle took care of our baby so well even after Hannah left her shell the nurse still treated her like she was there as she changed her pamper she spoke to Hannah letting her know everything she was doing, she made her bed, swaddled her in her blanket put on her little hat and probed her up like the little princess she is. Ooooh Hannah looked so peaceful she looked as if she was a sleeping beauty with all that stuff was off her face what a beauty she is i couldn't stop looking at her my heart gets warm just thinking about it. I want to thank Susan Cohen and Dr. Jamie Beversdorf for there moral support  you guys treated us like family we are family now and forever you were there with us every step of the way helping us with decisions reassuring us that we can do this.  The child life team Rebecca, Alicia, Stephanie and those i didn't get to meet but had apart in Kairi's life thank you SO much you guys made it easier for us easy to explain to Kairi what was going on when we didn't have the words to explain you guys kept her focus on being a kid and taking on the burden of what was going on with Hannah. The job you women do take a  special type of people to do it and you are fit for the job without a doubt we will always keep in touch with you guys. For all the staff and Doctors theres so many of you guys i want thank you all who were apart of Hannah's life we were able to get this far because of you.

Our family thank you you made her going away day amazing it was great to look around and see all of you there with us we cried but mostly we laughed i am so happy about that i don't want Hannah's passing to be about mourning i want it to be a celebration of a little girl who fought from beginning to the end against all her odds she fought and she still came out a winner. I am so proud of you Hannah mommy and daddy love you so much you are forever in our hearts and i promise we will make you proud this isn't the end its the opposite it s just the beginning.... R.I.P Hannah Gabrielle Joseph. Sunrise 5/16/2012- Sunset 7/25/2012.

Genesis 28:15
Behold, I am with you and will keep you where ever you go,
and will bring you back to this land; for i will not leave you until
i have done what i have spoken to you.

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