I've been writing this post since saturday 8/25/2012, exactly a month since hannah has passed away. So many different distractions first I lost the post I wrote it just...disappeared(the only way I can describe it), sunday was church after church Kevin,Leah and I picked up my oldest daughter, my bestie and my godson and we went out to Olive garden for lunchby time we got back to new jersey it was bed time, we had a great time besides Leah's tantrum but she eventually feel asleep and all was normal again, Monday was just a lost day it went by so fast lol, and here we are today finally able to write about Hannah's 1 month anniversary.
( This first paragraph was written on saturday so that is why it says today and so forth)
Today makes a month since Hannah went to heaven.. technically Wednesday made it 4 weeks she passed away, On Wednesday Kevin, leah, His best friend Jerome and I went to Hannah's grave site to celebrate her one month in heaven we bought this cross with pretty pink roses on them and a pin that said "I LOVE YOU" after buying it I realized the roses weren't real, at first i was disappointed I wanted real roses for Hannah but in the end it worked out the lady wrote Hannah's name on the cross and her lot number since the roses are fake it will always be there (until wear and tear of course) or until we memorize her shot. I know know for future visits to come with our fresh flowers before we get there i assumed they sold fresh flowers. Go figure. As I stood there watching the dirt, the fresh dirt piled on top each other, I was kind of shocked to see that i thought they would've flattened it like the rest but i guess not I don't know how that goes this is the first time having to return to a burial ground after some one was buried. Anyway as I stood there watching the pile of dirt I couldn't grasp the fact that my little girl was down there or maybe I didn't want to grasp that its not nothing a parent should grasp. At first I kept torturing myself wondering how does she look now in there? My spirit told me to only talk of the good memories remember her sweet little face remember her as she was. Kevin and i shared our memories with his best friend who didn't get to see Hannah while she was on earth. We talked about the fighter she was and how she was well known on the NICU/5th floor both floors she stayed on and the great staff she had by her side. As I looked around i noticed two things 1. All the tombstones were were dated in the late 80's 87-88 (which i guess make sense since thats around the time my little sister passed away 2. they were all babies, some that lived only for a day and some that didn't even get to live a full day. I felt so blessed and honored to have had Hannah for the two months i got to know her little personality her likes and dislikes which she only had two dislike and that was a dirty diaper but who would like a dirty diaper lol secondly doctors and nurses probing at her again who would like that.
After talking we stood there in silence i guess we all went into our own thoughts and wonders, after awhile we decided to start getting to ready to go before we left Jerome suggested we pray before we left (he's a Pastor in training) He said a heart warming beautiful prayer i felt an extra presence with us as we prayed my eyes were closed i pictured it was God or one of his angels with Hannah in there arms standing there with us as we prayed. I was happy with our visit with Hannah i didn't cry it was all good except for the fact that we had to leave her, I know its not "her" just her body not her spirit her spirit is with me forever :-) but it still felt unnatural. Happy 1 month Anniversary my Little Hannah I love and miss you so much.
That was our 1 month visit with Hannah the first of many.....
Psalms 30 (NKJV)
1 I will extol you, O Lord, for you have lifted me up, And
have not let my foes rejoice over me. 2 O lord my god, I cried out to you,
and you healed me. 3 O Lord you brought my soul up from the grave; You have
kept me alive, that I should not go down to the pit. 4 Sing praise to the Lord, you saints of his,
And give thanks at the remembrance of his holy name. 5 For his anger is but for a moment, His favor
is for life; Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning. 6 Now in my prosperity i said, "I shall never be moved." 7 Lord,by your favor you have made my mountain stand strong; You hid your face, and i was troubled. 8 I cried out to you, O Lord; and to the Lord I made supplication: 9 "What profit is there in my blood, When i go down to the pit? Will the dust praise you? Will it declare your truth? 10 Hear, O Lord and have mercy on me; Lord, be my helper! 11 You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, 12 To the end that my glory may sing praise to you and not be silent. O lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever.