God is not punishing me Hannah could never be a punishment my time with her has blessed me in so many ways, she changed me for the better. I believe her job on earth was to bring me closer to God, my family and to bring me out of my shell. How did she bring me out my shell? I had to talk to people, I had to express my feeling (which is something i didn't do) use my words and make sure i was being heard. I realized to get through my pregnancy with Hannah i would have to express my opinion and what i wanted for Hannah so i did, i also realized if i was gonna go through this i needed support, i needed words to help me when i felt overwhelmed or was facing the impossible and God delivered this through his word and through the people he brought in my life.
Today Hannah would of been 4 months I smile and my heart aches a little when i say that i wonder what new things she would've been doing, I also wonder where would we be today would she be home? would we still be in the hospital? Guess it doesn't matter anymore what i do know for sure is Hannah is at peace and is a happy baby. Days like today always make me feel...i don't want to say blue but i miss her extra hard on days like today and i haven't even come across the real hard ones 6mos, 1 year bday, 1 year anniversary in heaven etc. Today kevin and i were talking about Hannah and he said "Hannah was his heart" before i could ask why? he continuing saying his mom told him that is probably because Hannah looks like me as to why she had his heart i thought that was cute. Today we stayed home and spent extra time together Kairi wanted to watch another family movie so we watched "the Smurfs" while we ate dinner Kairi's choice was Hot dogs with Veggie baked beans yesterday we watched "Hop" which was a funny movie while we ate Chicken Alfredo, noodles and broccoli it was a great day and weekend.
Kairi doesn't have school tomorrow and Tuesday, I'm HAPPY when she has extra days off thats more time with me since i don't have her during the week (for now) so i love the extra time.
|MY FAVORITE PIC|
|YOU GOT 1 MORE TIME TO FLASH THAT CAMERA. LOL|